Do you feel like every year when the Holiday season comes around the corner you feel anxious, stressed, or even grief? Do you have expectations of perfect family photos, baking with the family, finding that one gift your child has been begging for all year at a discounted price, the whole family gathered together on the couch snuggled up watching your favorite Holiday movie together? But holiday stress and the reality that things are not perfect become obvious.
Instead, the children are not smiling in any of the family photos, baking with your children was not Instagram worthy like it should have been, the gift your child wanted is already sold out and the earliest it can be delivered is January 5th, none of the family can agree on a movie to watch together, and you forgot to turn the oven on to cook the turkey and it spoiled. This grief about your holiday expectations can be expected and hard to accept, especially now that social media is ever so present.
This season can be exhausting, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. But does it always have to be? Why can’t it be restful and enjoyable at the same time? Is this truly the most wonderful time of the year for you and your children?
Reminders for Navigating Holiday Stress
- Drop the Expectations. Notice when your excitement about something relies heavily on a particular outcome. For example: Are you excited about that fancy camera you bought your kid or are you excited at the thought of how excited they’ll be? Expectations are dangerous because they hitch our feelings to lots of stuff over which we don’t have control. The more specific the expected outcome, the more likely that reality will fall short. By focusing on planning or doing things that you find enjoyable or meaningful no matter how other people respond, you are more likely to be satisfied by the experience and—surprisingly—to create an experience that’s more inviting to the people around you.
- Boundaries boundaries boundaries. Translation—you aren’t responsible for other people’s happiness for the rest of the year, so why does this season get a pass? Setting boundaries means saying “no,” “not this year,” “we’re going to attend a few of the family gatherings,” “I know change can be hard and that’s okay,” and “my/my family’s needs are different this year.” We take responsibility for our families and friends in so many ways year–round—think of how powerful a statement it is to say: This year I’m giving myself the gift of simplicity.
- Memory remembered is memory rewritten. Remind yourself that this holiday may be different, but that “different” isn’t bad or good. Make a point to notice the ways your holiday is unlike any other. See if you can invent a new tradition that will make this holiday a “first.” You can honor and celebrate your past AND strive to be present with your immediate experience: it’s not either/or.
The holiday season can be stressful for you and your children. Please do not feel obligated to bottle up these emotions, feelings, or holiday stress alone. Our Team here at Herrera Psychology is standing with you to assist in navigating these hard times.
